In the battle to define
what is the
Khalil Gibran might not be ancient, but here is his advice on "marriage" from his book "The Prophet"
Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
Be open to the possibility of the unexpected.
I recall in the film "Something New," Sanaa Lathan's character along with her friends, had decided that in their pursuit of a life partner, they would be more open to someone beyond the types they had fixated on for most of their adult life.
Any one who's seen the film, knows that Sanaa Lathan's character then meets and falls in love with a white man, who is her gardener at the new home she's purchased. Additionally, one of her friends had found a man (not of a different race than she usually preferred) but from a different career path and overall demeanor.
What both of these women discovered was that the image of their ideal had been FORMED during their teen years mostly and possibly up until the age of 21, and they had fixated on the ideal their inexperienced minds had created.
By opening up to what their more knowledgeable selves understood they were able to find SOMETHING not only new, BUT BETTER than their limited ideals would have ever given them.
So to you, LADIES AND GENTELMEN, I suggest you all do the same. OPEN UP your expectations to a broader possibility. We tend to choose what we are familiar with, and for some people, this could be the problem.
What is your typical type? Write this down or record yourself discussing the following: describe their typical physical appearance, their typical lifestyles and habits, and the typical things you enjoyed with them, and the things you didn't enjoy about them or the relationship or dating interactions.
Once you've done that, ask yourself what are the ONLY few basic necessities you need to feel safe and comfortable with a partner: physical safety, emotional safety, and economic safety. That's it. So long as they don't beat you, insult you, or make life economically a challenge by fault of their own, then otherwise, they are a good option.
All the rest of it, the way he/she dresses, the music they like, their hobbies, etc don't matter in the lifelong view of it. If they are comfortable and decently successful in their life, TAKE TIME to enjoy what they like, while still leading your life and enjoying what you do.
If they like to go to Steampunk festivals but you prefer opera, then take turns going to both. Also, why not ALLOW each other at times to go to your own things, and come home later and talk about it? Since when do couples have to always be together? That's not a necessity.
How many of us have heard the dumb expectation that your significant other is somehow neglecting you by not being just as into your hobbies as you are? ISN'T THE POINT THAT THEY ARE INTO YOU? that they are supportive of you? that they GIVE YOU FREEDOM to take part in what you love and then listen to your passions?
So be open.
That's the modern traditional message this week.
As funny as this video is at the bottom of this post, something hit me: WHY is this funny to our culture (and some others) when we know it would not be accepted by most people to suggest the opposite. In other words, how would people react to a video that showed a dead wife after she upset her husband?
We already know there would be outrage. Why the double standard?
The first thought that comes to me is, the difference in physical strength. In the minds of most people, the women is weaker and therefore it is less likely that she will actually physically kill the man. While the man's strength makes it more likely that he could kill her.
Yet, there are examples of women violently attacking their husbands and boyfriends.
Another explanation is the widespread teaching that men are supposed to protect women, therefore to most people , they cannot accept a visual of a woman being hurt by a man.
And that's fine that we don't accept portrayals of violence of women as acceptable or a joke. Yet, why do we not extend that same protection to men?
This I believe is an extension of a cultural neglect of men that has happened as a result of the pursuit of rights for women. we all know it's a beautiful thing that women receive the right to vote, equal access to education and employment, as well as equivalent wages to men. Yes, that is wonderful. But has it really ended there?
My daughter mentioned to me that there are hardly any books about boys who overcome challenges and are proud of who they are. She sees lots of books like this for girls, but couldn't find any for boys and this upset her. And this should upset us all.
I'm not saying it's been intentional, but with or without some group causing it, the neglect is real. It could just be a result of the volume of the demand for increased focus on women's rights and "girl power." Perhaps the volume for boys has remained the same, while the volume for the needs of girls has been dialed way up.
Let's think of other places where this neglect is real. Media publicizes "girl power" but shies away from empowering messages to boys. The husbands in most modern TV shows is portrayed as the idiot, while the wife is the one with the intelligence.
In his Ted Talk, Colin Stokes, discussed how man hood is portrayed in film. What he notices and warns about is the image of manhood in film. It is usually one dimensional. The superhero conquers an evil and gets the girl. He doesn't get to build anything. He doesn't get to work with his love interest on anything.
I'll keep this short by asking this: What kind of images are shown in popular media of boys and men?
We talk often about the images of women and how girls are affected, so why do we not PROTECT our boys just the same?
On another note: Fellas, the video below is still good for one thing. It does let you know a few things you probably don't want to say to your wife or girlfriend, and for that end, the video is enjoyable.
POSITIVE EXAMPLES IN RECENT YEARS:
!. Up 2. Inside Out 3. Despicable Me 4. The Incredibles
I suggest these as great options for the kids, and for us too, because we all know we never outgrew great cartoons.
I’ll never fall again
we all say it
we really mean it
in that moment
long enough to
lose sense of
the fears we
drop guards without realizing
and somebody moves silent
into your heart
don’t fight it
just ride with it
see where it goes
what’s life without someone to travel the road with
When venting it doesn’t means you’re missing the ex or still undoubtedly effected
When you open a vent to air out a room it’s nothing more than letting the mess flow out of your environment
Let it flow to get it out of your nose.
The ones you vent about will hope it means you miss them or that maybe you’re just waiting for an apology
let em think it if they wish
You gotta clear your air unless you like choking on that ish
When a business has a critical position to fill, they don't just hire the first person that walks in the door.
You need a resume, an interview AND even after you get hired, there's a probation period to make sure you aint crazy.
BUT the full "benefits" are not awarded until the first 90 days have passed.
YOU need to be interviewing lovers before you get too invested and comfortable. Ya feel me?
Love can be empowering and exciting if you hire the most compatible person with our corporation.
Here are some questions everyone should be asking to make sure the man or woman they are interested in will provide what they need and want.
1. What are the roles the man and woman should play in the household?
2. Who is going to have the final say in family decisions?
(yes we know both people need to have their input but in the end someone needs to be the decision maker. and yes this question will start a heated debate at times but that is why you should ask this before moving on to the other questions.
it sets the tone for the relationship)
3. What would you like to happen as a usual evening in your home?
4. Do you want children?
5. Is marriage an option for you?
(this one is hard to ask because you don't want someone thinking you are pushing toward marriage but at some point, you need to know if they are even willing to say vows.
ALSO many are choosing NON TRADITIONAL ceremonies but I'll save the full explanation of that for another time. Just ask the question & see if the answer matches well with yours)
6. How can I know when you are angry?
7. How should I approach you if you are angry?
8. What kind of things do you like to recieve from your man or woman? (actions, gifts, words, attentions, special things, etc.)
9. What disgusts you?
10. Explain a time when you were in an argument and you did something that you should not have done or said something you should not have said?
11. What is the best way to apologize to you?
12. What are your passions in life? what activities exicite your heart and soul? Are you fulfilling these? and how ?
13. What is your philosophy on life?
14. Can you tell me what your spiritual beliefs are?
Got another for me? Leave a comment and I'll shout you out on the next post.
I found you or you found me or it was a mutual discovery .
Not sure how the events before played out
It was a glorious production I’m sure
from the theater seats
The audience usually knows much more than the characters
And here we found a moment of serendipity
that started with some distant moment years ago
We were set on our paths winding
Til meeting seemed accidental but what we don’t know is
… if we reviewed the entirety of the story we’d see
makes perfect sense
Author: Jessica Bordelon
Passionate, powerful, & gentle, she is an artist that captures the strength , power & energy of femininity in its purest form.