In the battle to define
what is the
At the beginning of a romantic encounter, there is so much brand new. It’s just like when you visit a brand new place. You are excited about the new sights and sounds. Your focus in entirely set on enjoying the “new-ness” that you may not notice whether or not the glasses behind the bar have been dusted, or when was the last time the electrical system has been inspected. Is anyone disinfecting that bathroom, or are they simply wiping off the visible dirt for “appearances?”
With a brief outing it’s not a huge disaster to be distracted by the surface level, because it’s just one night. However, when it comes to dating, it’s your precious time and emotions that are on the line.
In an effort to protect your time from waste, let’s consider what you SHOULD be noticing in your potential future partner.
Some of the traits that lead toward success in relationships are: consistency (with some honesty, and trust), maturity, and playfulness.
CONSISTENCY – Any traits that you perceive should be evident on a regular basis and without interruption. There are no excuses for something being intermittent. If there is a lapse or if there is a contradiction to the trait, it is evidence that this is not their true nature.
What does consistency prove? It proves if they are honest and trustworthy. If a person is truly honest, they won’t try to hide what and who they are from you. They will be comfortable in who they are and accept whether or not you are into them.
A person who is not honest and trustworthy will alter their image and try to distract you because their ego doesn’t allow them to enjoy who they are unless someone else is in love with them. That’s not safe for them or for you.
MATURITY – How do they react to inconvenience? If they are reacting with irate emotions or panic then this is a problem. However, if they maintain their composure and get something accomplished, you can trust that this is a habit. No one can fake this trait.
How do they scold and teach their children (if they have any?) Or how do they handle conflicts with strangers and with established contacts? Do they speak in a direct manner without demeaning the child or the adult in question? Are they consistent in the lessons they teach to them? Are they consistent in direct and respectful communication? On the other hand, if they have a whiny, begging tone when they scold, it means they are not the parent, the kid is in control. If they are dismissive of poor behavior, then they don’t care about who their child becomes, therefore they don’t care about who THEY become. If they gossip or lash out on the adult conflict, then they are sure to create drama throughout the remainder of their life as well. Do you really want to live your life with that?
These are things that can’t be faked. These are habits. If someone spills a drink on their sofa, they won’t have time to pretend to react appropriately. If they are hateful, they will slip and say “What the fuck you little dumbass?” or a balanced person will say “Go get a paper towel and clean that up. When you finish go sit in the corner. You know to be more careful.”
Or they may have even been proactive and insisted that the child sit at the table with a paper towel, thus preventing the entire situation to begin with.
PLAYFULNESS – In order to fully enjoy life and love, one has to have a playful nature. When people say the word “laid back” what they really mean is playful. Appreciating the good things, and not sweating the nonsense. A playful person has an ease about them, that allows them to have fun and be relaxed in almost any location.
At home they’re playing or enjoying the conversation. At the park they’ll smile warmly and take notice of the world around them. They might even get on the swings. The key ingredient to playfulness is ease in their movements and demeanor.
Someone who is faking this trait, will not be able to pretend to be comfortable with it. Mind their body language. If you notice tension or discomfort in their expression, they are not enjoying themselves.
Consistent maturity and playfulness is a sure indication that this is someone who you can trust with your everything and enjoy life with. People who pretend at being someone they’re not, tell on themselves in their body language, or in their contradictions. A person who says they love to cook won’t have dust sitting on some of their stored away pots and pans.
A person who says they exercise regularly will have workout clothing in the laundry and easily accessible in their dresser drawers. They won’t need to buy a new set.
People simply cannot hide themselves. So no matter how good they appear, no matter how good the sex was last night, don’t get so caught up in the moment that you fail to take notice of what lies at the foundation of this person.
Can you see what’s behind the wizard’s screen? The reality is somewhere behind the smoke, glitter, and theatrics. Get your archaeologist on and dig through the surface to see the foundation of who they are.
Author: Jessica Bordelon
Passionate, powerful, & gentle, she is an artist that captures the strength , power & energy of femininity in its purest form.