In the battle to define
what is the
What to do? What to do?
(if you're new here, expect the unexpected. My advice isn't what you usually get)
So the idea that starts this question is that your girl arrived in your life "happy." So let's start there. Let's imagine a reasonably happy girl or woman. She's basically adapted to her life and doesn't require medications to function with reasonable success in her life.
Considering that your girl or woman is the type I described above, LET'S BEGIN.
Step 1: Know her.
Yes, the obvious but not always so easy to do thing. To "know her" is to know her history. What in her past shaped her? This reminds me of the new Pixar film "Inside Out." In the film the characters form CORE memories from key points in their lives. These CORE memories become CORE parts of their personality.
Their greatest triggers for joy and sadness are here. Alongside their greatest triggers for comfort and discomfort, fear and anger.
How to keep her happy is knowing what SETS HER OFF into fear or anger.
Is she afraid of unexpected conflicts, because her parents argued often and she never knew when it was going to happen? Is she afraid of being abandoned because one or both of her parents were often entering and exiting her life? Is she afraid of not being appreciated because her achievements were often ignored by those in her life?
TO MAKE THIS STEP EASIER:
just think about what sets you off. What did your childhood, teens years, and early adulthood TEACH you? How were you shaped? TELL HER about this. No need to get all mushy. Just the basics, and let her tell you the same.
Now you two will know HOW to keep the smiles on, and the tears away, at least as much as possible.
Step 2: Accept that you won't always keep her happy,
and honestly, she can't always keep you happy.
That's an important part to remember. No matter how great we are together, no matter how much we understand each other, we will at some point, piss each other off. What's cool is: That's totally okay. Or at least it should be.
Once we accept this fact, we can easily move on to "step 3."
Step 3: When you've done something that upset her, TAKE IT SERIOUSLY even if you'd never get angry about the same thing.
Because just like when a 5 year old is scared of the dark, it doesn't matter if that fear is a real thing for you, it's real to the kid. You have to address it in a way that works for the kid. Don't tell the kid they're silly or ridiculous because that doesn't do anything to get rid of the fear. Matter of fact, the kid might get more angry, or fearful, because you haven't done anything to erase the fear.
So if she says she feels unappreciated, ask her (in a non-judgmental tone) what her definition of appreciation is and how it's supposed to be shown. Explain to her that maybe the 2 of you have different ideas about this, and you want to LEARN how to show her what she needs to see.
TEACH ME BABY.
That's the basics of keeping your partner happy. Know their triggers for joy and anger, accept that you won't be perfect, and finally, seek the knowledge you need FROM EACH OTHER.
Life is life. It's going to be chaotic at times. We can't predict what will come & what will not. All we can give each other is a promise to face it all
Author: Jessica Bordelon
Passionate, powerful, & gentle, she is an artist that captures the strength , power & energy of femininity in its purest form.