In the battle to define
what is the
This was another one of those times I wish I were the only woman I know to have gone through this, but as one recent conversation proved and a few in the past as well, I’m not the only woman who’s been brought to consider a life change from genuine loving woman to gold digger.
There was the time a man was upset that I didn’t compliment him on his car when he picked me up for a date.
Or the time a man kept taking me out to expensive places even when I said what I really wanted was a shrimp poboy and a daiquiri by the lake. He also wanted me to set aside everything I was working on and move to his city 3 hours away. “And what job am I going to get there exactly? I like what I do now. Yall have jobs like this there?”
“Ok so that’s your answer. I’ll either not be able to work or make less and you’ll have to cover almost everything on your own. And besides I’m not letting go of all of this for someone who doesn’t even consider giving me what I want but instead keeps giving me things I made clear I’m not into.”
But for the most part, there have been 2 other kinds of men drawn to me: the one who
has no idea how to manage his financial affairs and the one who thinks he has to have a lot of money before he can start a relationship with me.
On the one hand, the first group thinks that because I’m not materialistic it means they can bring nothing to the table financially or be totally irresponsible financially and I”ll be okay with that. And they usually are shocked to find out that I do expect a man to provide consistently. I know shit happens and people can get laid off or fired without cause. I get that. But at the end of the day, most people don’t lose a job more than once or twice in their life, so…
But this other group… the one that has a decent income and a great work ethic. This group that is focused on building a foundation for a family. These are the ones who confuse me the most because they have proven to have the traits any woman in my position needs, but they’ll delay dating a woman like me as they build their money up as if to “earn the right to be with me.”
In the meantime though, they spend very little time with the woman like me, even after expressing their interest in long term commitment, and will say, I want you but I need to get “this” or “that” right first.
I can tell them, “Yea but I don’t need this or that. Besides while you work on that, we can be getting to know each other.”
“Yea but I want to be able to buy you things and treat you to things you like.”
“But what I need right now is just some of your time. Some of your comfort. Let’s laugh together. I just want to share some positive energy with you. That’s what I want and need.”
But they still feel like if they can’t buy me every desert I look at, or bracelet I might happen to glance at in a shop window, all of a sudden that makes them not ready.
So in the end, the woman ends up spending time with another man while the one she was into works to build up his funds. Because after all, if a person tells you, ” I need affection” or “I need time” or “I just want to get to know you” and you refuse to give them that, what are they supposed to do?
Wait for a future connection with you that might not ever happen? What evidence does this person have that you’ll come through with it?
And BIGGER THAN ALL THAT: If your goal truly is to make that person happy, WHY WOULD YOU NOT GIVE THEM THAT THING THEY SAY THEY WANT?
By neglecting that thing, you’re neglecting that person’s happiness altogether while you work on something that they don’t even need right now.
So these are all the times the idea came to me that I should just be a gold digger and love that money and shiny things. Unfortunately, that’s never been my greatest desire. I can live without the shiny things. I just need enough money to survive and have some fun. And if we get extra we can use it to build more. But at the end of the day, what really makes me smile… is time
and not even a lot of time. Just some … because I like my alone time and i also think that alone time is very important, but once or twice a month is neglect of a lover and you can’t get mad if that person seeks out other sources of the things they need and want.
In the end, what will that man get once he has that excess money? Will any of the genuine women still be around? or will he have the gold diggers to choose from? Because they love money and you attract what you emit, so I’m just speculating. Perhaps more research is needed.
Author: Jessica Bordelon
Passionate, powerful, & gentle, she is an artist that captures the strength , power & energy of femininity in its purest form.