I can imagine your faces when you saw this title. I get it. Traditionally when we think of "pillow talk," it's the talk that happens after sex. Couples are laying in some sort of comfortable position, and the talks commence.
But, what if... you try something new.
First give me a few second to address the newly dating, and I'll show you how the info I give to them applies to the rest of you as well.
Newly dating couples, considering you two haven't had sex yet, THIS is a new way to move forward. What if your first intimate moments are more about discussions or drawing or writing or massage or touching in silence rather than total intercourse?
Have you tried it before? No. Then why not try it with this new thing you started.
You'll be laying beside someone you desperately want, and having to restrain yourselves. THAT'S the fun part. If you've never seen it yet, watch the film "Vanilla Skies." Even for those of you who no longer appreciate Tom Cruise, just bear with him, and watch the story unfold. There is this phenomenal scene toward the beginning in which he and his therapist discuss the concept of "delayed gratification." This conversation started because the therapist could not understand why he'd delay having sex with her if he really wanted her and it seemed she might be into it that night.
Also watch the video on Ted.com titled "Don't Eat the Marshmallow." I'll provide a link below.
The ideo in both of these has to do with the POWER of delaying your most deepest desires for a time.
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When you delay gratification, it intensifies the feeling, the entire energy of the experience. If you rush right in, you'll never know the full intensity that was possible. This is a factor that can be exploited in the most beautiful way throughout the course of the relationship.
Here's where all the rest of you benefit as well. SEDUCTION. Teasing.
No matter if you've been a couple for a few days, a few months, a few years, or many years, the playfulness is your right; you have full permission to play and enjoy newness together. Tease with kisses on the back of her neck. Give a back rub, touch between his or her legs, and walk away without fulfilling the passionate urge you feel in that moment.
The reason the first sexual encounter with someone is so tremendous is due to the build up of desire.. Not the "newness" but the DELAYED GRATIFICATION. Most couples know each other or spend a little time together before devouring each other, and so there is this intense build up phase that happens.
USE THAT power and play ... touch him under the table while he's talking but where no one can see. While walking across a parking lot at the grocery store, stop her, pull her close and kiss her just because and a million other random moments to just express DESIRE, LOVE, PASSION.
When they ask why you did it, just say I couldn't resist you!
and let that be true. ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL PASSION. We are so damn guarded in our lives that we choke our own passion and box it up. STOP THAT. Free the passion, and swim in it, breathe it, and see how beautiful your love can be.
And when the sex does happen, OH MY GOD. You'll be back here to leave a comment.
Link to "Don't Eat the Marshmallow"
Author: Jessica Bordelon
Passionate, powerful, & gentle, she is an artist that captures the strength , power & energy of femininity in its purest form.