In the battle to define
what is the
We get it. You want to connect with the child or children of your partner. You hope to find common ground with them and you want them to also respect you as another adult in their life.
That's great and please understand this is a respectable goal.
Your efforts to do this should NEVER include the following:
1. Belittling or criticizing any thing and I mean ANYTHING the biological parent does
If the child is in the same building as you, don't do it. You can say and feel however you want when the child is not around. You are entitled to your opinions, but you are NOT entitled to dump out those opinions on the child.
This can cause confusion in the child as they navigate between both of their parent's home and rules, and can create anger and frustration or even anxiety for the child. You are NOT helping by criticizing.
2. Do not contradict ANYTHING that the biological parents expects or does.
Especially if you are the same gender as the primary caregiver, be aware, that person has put in years to sculpting this child, and if you contradict their rules or expectations, you are a negative force against that work.
Nobody likes that kid in preschool who came over and threatened to knock over your tower of blocks. Don't be that person.
So what should you do???
LEARN from the biological parent that shares your gender.
Ask what he or she does on a regular basis, ask them how you can SUPPORT what they are doing with the child or children.
Respect that parent's role and RIGHTS to direct that child's experience.
Your job is NOT to direct this child. They are not yours.
Your only job is to make sure no harm comes to the kid while in your presence and to make sure they are comfortable and abiding by the biological parent's expectations.
Simple as that.
Author: Jessica Bordelon
Passionate, powerful, & gentle, she is an artist that captures the strength , power & energy of femininity in its purest form.